The Gift of Multigenerational Friends

The Gift of Multigenerational Friends

I was recently at a birthday lunch for a dear friend and as I looked around the table, I was impressed by the span of ages and diversity of backgrounds we had at the table. There I was, the youngest in the group but still a GenX, middle aged mom of two. Some of the women there remember exactly where they were when JFK was shot. Some of them needed their fathers or husbands to co-sign on bank accounts for them as women didn’t fully gain that right until the 70s. Some of them were ex-communicated by their families because it was better to stay in a bad marriage than to have a divorce. Some were brought into this country as children when their families had to flee their government. One queen at the table was once invited to join Prince and the Revolution in the VIP for a drink because she was a helluva dancer and is still quite the looker! I met these incredible ladies through our shared love of golf and as I looked around the table, I knew that allowing myself to be open to such a diverse group of friends is one of the best gifts I could ever give myself. 

 If you take a moment to review your friendship circle and realize they all look exactly like you or are living a similar life then girl, you may want to branch out! I’m not saying there’s something wrong with your core group of girlfriends being the same age. It’s a beautiful experience growing up with a trusted group of friends and you’ll always have these shared experiences where you’ve overcome similar challenges together, studied together, traveled together and shared many midnight margheritas! However, when you’re able to make a connection with someone with more generational knowledge and experience, it opens your world to so much more insight and wisdom than your peers can provide. They’re able to view your world and experiences with such 20/20 clarity and help you trust the lessons they’ve learned and consider that when navigating your own life.

 What’s most surprising (at least to those who only socialize in their own age group), is that even though these women are older, they all still love the same foolishness enjoyed by younger women. They still love to talk about “boys”, share cocktails, get dressed up, dance and go out for some girl time. Honestly, the older women, not the younger, are the ones who often make me blush with their sexy and scandalous stories! I love being seated with the older crowd at parties because when you’ve reached a certain age and no longer care what anyone thinks of you is when the good times really start to roll!

 Even though I have a very healthy group of girlfriends my own age I’ve always been very comfortable mingling with my seniors. As a child, I loved being included when the grown-ups were talking and felt such a sense of pride in my ability to gain their attention and be taken seriously or even better, to make them laugh! I would often visit our neighbor, Grandma Helen, and she would welcome me in for a snack and a chat just like any other girlfriend. I remember her having friends of her generation visiting with her and she’d sit me down with them just like any other friend. Helen picked up on my interest in the kitchen and would often teach me recipes I then took home and prepared for my family. Those recipes are all still such a beautiful gift that I treasure and share with my own daughter. Helen was able to find a balance in creating a relationship with me where she was both maternal and friendly at the same time. She never spoke to me like a child but just as a younger friend. It was so special to me and was an experience that prepared me to create friendships with so many of my teachers and mentors as I matured.

 Older friends are inspiring. They paved the way for us as women and have so much wisdom to share in their actions and advice. My own mother and I shared this type of relationship where she was both mother and best friend to me. I would go to her for advice and to learn from her experiences but when I was acting like an idiot, she was more than comfortable to call me out…and I begrudgingly listened. My mother-in-law, a woman I greatly admire and am proud to consider a friend, is one of the most resilient women I’ve ever known, and I always remember the strength she’s demonstrated in life when inspiration for a challenging situation. These women have carried the world on their shoulders as an example for future generations.

 I have friendships with mothers and daughters and while I love and respect them both, I can see how certain behaviors from mothers have damaged their children. I can also see that even with that pain, the love their share for each other carries them through and helps them find healing and reconciliation together. I try to pay attention and take these precious lessons with me while I parent my own children. If I can learn from the mistakes and trauma they’ve overcome, then I guess it frees me up to make new ones for myself. I’ve got to have something to pass on to my kids!

 It’s amazing how as an adult you learn that time is the great equalizer. You’re able to relate to people decades beyond yourself through mutual respect and laughter. As I continue to climb up in years, I find that I’m now attracting younger friends just as my mother always did. As an older friend to my young girlies, I hope to give them perspective on how quickly time flies, how important it is to be true to yourself, and to always make time for laughter and fun! I may be middle aged, but I have the spirit of a 25-year-old and I doubt that will ever go away!

Quick Recipes for Busy Bitches

 Ok, this is a big one, I’m sharing with you my most signature treat: Rosy’s Best Chocolate Chip Cookies! If you ever come to my house and ask about cookies, I can always procure a log of frozen dough from the freezer. These cookies were originally my mom’s recipe, but I tweaked them a bit with the addition of Salted Caramel Chips (Heath Bar Bits work as well). Mom passed four years ago this past week, but I pay tribute to her daily in my kitchen. These cookies were always baked in great quantities in our house and kept in mom’s infamous Cookie Monster cookie jar. When we were encouraged to play outside as much as possible in the summers, mom would still bring out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (cut into triangles, of course), air popped popcorn with butter, red Kool-Aid and these magical cookies. Man, the 80s were the best! They’re childhood encapsulated into an ooey gooey baked good and will have you running back for more! 

A Few Final Thoughts

 My beloved Camp UOTS, a week-long sleepaway camp for cancer patients from Nicklaus Children’s Hospital, is beginning again this Saturday. If you missed my post from last year titled “Lucky to be of Service”, please go back and give it a read. I’ve added it to my Featured Posts and I’ve already begun the madness of food preparation this week! For more info or to make a donation, click the following link for details: https://www.campuots.org/

 I’ve been on three “Family Trips” this summer and could really use an actual vacation. For those of you asking the difference trust me, there’s a great distinction between the two. These kids are killing me but their lives are friggin’ magical!

Party lines aside, this current election is absolutely wild! Things are getting more and more heated out there so if you’re interested in maintaining as many friendships/relationships as possible, I suggest keeping your conversation topics to inclement weather and true crime. Who am I voting for? What about that crazy killer from Idaho?! Or that hurricane that hit Texas?! It’s crazy out there!

Be Cool xoxo